a maze of clouds -

#46

2012-02-14T19:48:00.001+01:00

I just need something to happen. I need a sign that things are gonna change. I need a reason to go on, I need some hope . . .

selfish pleasure.

2012-02-12T00:33:00.002+01:00

#44

2012-02-11T18:32:00.002+01:00

Life is such a fucking roller-coaster then it drops, but what should I scream for?

This is my theme park!

#43

2012-02-06T00:45:00.001+01:00

I wish I could take the pain away.
If you can make it through the night there's a brighter day!
Everything will be alright if you hold on!

I just want you to remember that you are appreciated.

I love you, mom !

#42

2012-02-05T18:20:00.005+01:00

I refuse to sink; I'm the captain of my mind, life and soul !

#41

2012-01-31T21:51:00.003+01:00

She said kiss me like you miss me, fuck me like you hate me and when you’re fucking someone else just fuck her like she ain’t me !!

#40

2012-01-31T19:52:00.004+01:00

We live in a generation of, not being in love, and not being together
But we sure make it feel like we’re together
Cause we're scared to see each other with somebody else . . .

#39

2012-01-31T11:45:00.002+01:00

So I met this shawty the otha day I got her numba called her up, like:

what cha donin'

She say nutin

I say what's good?

She say not much

I say guess what

She say wassup

I say I think we should hook up

She say uh...

I say what?

She say but...

I say but... ?Why u stuck?

She say f**k

I say who?

She say not u

I say then who

She say u kno

I kno what?

U kno who

I say I do?

She say u do

I say I do but I really don't because it's u that I really want !

#38

2012-01-30T21:14:00.000+01:00

#37

2012-01-29T22:05:00.002+01:00

Kozarec vina je smodnik v moji peščeni uri.

#36

2012-01-29T20:33:00.000+01:00

Red wine, red wine, red wine.
You know how much I love you.
But if I were to drink you now, it might grow into obsession.

#35

2012-01-29T17:53:00.001+01:00

good bye. 遠く手を振る名前も知らぬ君がいるもう

bye bye もう bye bye.

心のドアをノックして大丈夫って囁いて嘯く言葉で何度も手招き.

#34

2012-01-29T17:01:00.001+01:00

PRAZNINA V TELESU NEKEGA DRUGEGA TELESA
nekaj sem pogrešala v svojem telesu. Tipala sem po njem, a tam je bila samo praznina v obliki nekega drugega telesa. Votlina brez ptic. Prava praznina. Z roko sem segala na drugo stran in čakala na trenutek, da se pojavi vrtoglavica v mojih sencah. Potem, sem sredi množice začutila neko bližino. Ob dotiku s tvojo kožo se je moja vžgala, roke so omahnile od nerazložljive teže, postale nekam neresnične, prsti nemirni kot semena, ko pride vsako pomlad njihov čas. Pričakovala sem pogled, obrnjen navznoter, na soglasje brez besed.
A ostalo je le pri dotiku, po goli želji.

#33

2012-01-29T14:43:00.000+01:00

If I would say I have never cried, I would lie.

If I would say I never liked you, I would lie.

But I know I fall for people too easy.

And I know I never fall for long.

And just like that I fall out, ever easier.

Don't take it personally, but I will not say I am sorry.

It's just the way I am.

#32

2012-01-28T15:14:00.001+01:00

Constantly I wonder lusting.

Do you seek a simple kiss?
In that place we both shared bliss.
Or would you rather me lie thrusting
proving to you im worth trusting!?

#31

2012-01-26T00:23:00.002+01:00

"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things." - A.I

#30

2012-01-25T17:13:00.000+01:00

In ponavadi grem tja, kjer je samo patetika.

#29

2012-01-22T23:55:00.000+01:00

Basically, I don't even consider this love, nor a crush. I must say that you are a very attractive individual and I would most likely be very jealous if you were to date somebody else. And lately this images of us being a couple have been flashing before my eyes and I must say I like the idea. I have no idea what the fuck is this right now, . . .

#28

2012-01-20T13:10:00.000+01:00

She was a stranger, a helper, now friend.
A little mermaid with eyes of the night,
Her key brought the dream to life.
His secret now shared.

He was a magician of pictures and poems.
A dreamer of dreams,
Hiding in shadows,
Alone with his broken playful things.
Then his broken heart flies.
Things in pieces can mend.

Dream…
Remember to dream…
Dream…

#27

2012-01-19T22:25:00.000+01:00

I don’t feel beautiful. It’s a daily struggle.

-

2012-01-19T12:55:00.000+01:00

#26

2011-12-20T17:43:00.000+01:00

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming/confusing
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling/I can't see

To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure

Discomfort,endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting/reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't see...

#25

2011-12-16T23:40:00.001+01:00

“ All at once we were madly, clumsily, shamelessly, agonizingly in love with each other; hopelessly, I should add, because that frenzy of mutual possession might have been assuaged only by our actually imbibing and assimilating every particle of each other’s soul and flesh; but there we were, unable even to mate as slum children would have so easily found an opportunity to do so. ”

#24

2011-12-05T19:11:00.000+01:00

Even if I look at the clock
I don’t have time, goodbye now
Even if I look at the calendar
I don’t have any memories now
I’m afraid I’ll be a book that no one reads
Music that no one listens to anymore
I’m afraid I’ll be abandoned like a movie playing in an empty theater
Even if I look at the phone
I don’t have any relationships now
Even if I look into the mirror
In there, there’s no confidence now

- Tablo

#23

2011-11-29T22:03:00.000+01:00

I will never understand why I ended up this way or what the reason was for. I will never understand why this world is so fucked up and barely anyone cares. I will never understand how people can say they love someone then leave them for someone else. I will never understand a lot of things, like why people lie, cheat and steal. Why they are rude, mean, bitchy, horrible and inconsiderate. I will never understand how pain never goes away. I wil never understand love or hate. I will never understand life and at some point it's better this way.

#22

2011-11-23T12:19:00.000+01:00

You have a special way
Of making me feel (ing)
More valuable than I believe I am
Your soft and gentle smile
Speaks to my heart
As if you truly understand

#21

2011-11-22T20:37:00.000+01:00

Dogs are miracles with paws.

#20

2011-11-21T23:15:00.000+01:00

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

#19

2011-11-20T17:53:00.000+01:00

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

#18

2011-11-19T23:41:00.000+01:00

“I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou

#17

2011-10-14T00:22:00.005+02:00

I stare at my reflection in the mirror: “Why am I doing this to myself?” Losing my mind on a tiny error, I nearly left the real me on the shelf. Don’t lose who you are in the blur of the stars! Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It’s okay not to be okay. Sometimes it’s hard to follow your heart. Tears don’t mean you’re losing, everybody’s bruising, Just be true to who you are! Brushing my hair, do I look perfect? I forgot what to do to fit the mold, yeah! The more I try the less it’s working, yeah, ‘Cause everything inside me screams no, no, no, no …

#16

2011-09-12T01:23:00.000+02:00

And all she wanted to say was: " No, you can't wear that, you're too fat !"

#15

2011-09-07T13:19:00.000+02:00

Counting calories. Counting pounds. Counting hours without food. Counting burned off calories. Starving. Working out. Starving. Working out. Thinking about food, calories, burned calories, being skinny, being not good enough… Where the hell did my life go?

#14

2011-09-05T20:52:00.001+02:00

As you may know, or not know I've decided to dye my hair black again. I wanted to do it copper but it would take too much time and my hair would get too damaged (.__.) ah well, so voila black !

BLACKHAIR: don't mind my weird face, thankyouverymuch (:

#13

2011-09-01T20:37:00.000+02:00

See you had a lot of moments that didn't last forever, now you're in the corner trying to put it together. / YUP !

#12

2011-09-01T20:34:00.000+02:00

I got a part time joooooooooooooooooooooooob ! I'm so happy about it. Now I will finally have my own money and stop asking my mom for it, which will make both of our lifes easier. YAY. Also I lost another 3 kg, and this really makes me very excited. That means I'm 17 (or maybe 7, will see how everything turns out) kg away from my goal. Now I just have to get accepted to the college and my life will be back on track !

#11

2011-08-26T19:31:00.001+02:00

But thank you for the pain it made me raise my game and I'm still rising, I'm still rising. Yeah !

#10

2011-08-26T17:53:00.000+02:00

I would really like to change my hair color. I mean, it's not that I don't like being brown, it's just that I need a change. I've had this hair color for almost 2 years now (o.o). The color that I've been thinking is something like copper, light orange mixed with brown. I think it would be a perfect color for autumn. Speaking of autumn, I can't wait for summer to end, like really it's too freaking hot, I can't stand it anymore. I want some rain and cloudy days, I know that this might sound weird but I've never been very fond of a crazy summer heat it's just not really my thing I guess.

#9

2011-08-25T16:14:00.000+02:00

I just came home from the hairdresser. I have to say that I wanted my hair slightly shorter but, because I'm hair is so curly it would look rather funny. So next month or maybe sooner I will go back to have my hair dyed and stuff, I'm pretty excited about that. As you can see I need a change in my life (which is good).

My new hair lenght (and of course I already messed up my hair, they looked all stylish half an hour ago haha ) and don't my mind face! Thankyouverymuch !

#8

2011-08-25T01:13:00.000+02:00

Waiting for train in Wien

#7

2011-08-25T01:08:00.000+02:00

Some major things that happened to me while I wasn't blogging ;

- emotionally fucked
- still have zero self confidence
- lost over 30 kg
- dropped out of college
- exercise every day
- learned who my real friends are
- been to Egypt
- and most important thing, I saw Dir en Grey live ( I think seeing them live, actually gave me strenght to move forward, and to look for good things in life, because now I surely know that dreams do come true! )
- will sign back to another college tomorrow (really hope to get accepted)

#6

2011-08-25T00:02:00.000+02:00

I don't really care what people think about my college choice right now. I just want to finish with school and get a part time job so that I can save up some money for traveling. The fact is that only few people actually get a job occording to their college degree. So I think that all my options are still opened as long as I finish a college. Well the thing is that if I would study harder I would definitely pass all the exams by now, but I didn't and I don't regret anything, like they say everything happens for a reason and I think that I will find my reason along the way. For now I just know that I will not let every fucker that has five minutes of their miserable time walk up on me, I'm done with that. There are a lot of people that want to see me down at this moment, I'm sure of that but I will just show them that I'm stronger than that. I really don't care about them laughing at my back because I failed one year of college and letting a "friend" play with my head once again. There are just so many happy and bittersweet moments that I was part of that I'm really happy that I could have this experience of going to college in another city and living by myself. I think I'm more mature and and capeable of doing things alone. All I have to gain is some more self confidence and than I actually think I can become something in this life I live. And all I can say is THANK YOU to people that are still with me, and like me for who I am even thought I know I can be annoying as fuck.

#4

2011-03-31T00:06:00.002+02:00

I want you to moan.. I want you to gasp in my ear, pretending like you're trying to hide the sound, like you're trying to smother it, but I still hear it. I want your fingernails to dig into my skin and your lips to move faster and harder and deeper against mine. I want your eyes to roll back in your head and your body to push into mine, until we're sticking to each other's skin. I want to feel the heat radiating from your skin, I want to feel your muscles shake against my flesh. I want you to beg and I want you to throw your head back, shuddering for breath. I want your neck to be exposed for me to bite and your chest to be bare so it can be skin on skin, flesh on flesh. I want my legs wrapped around you, I want us to grind on each other so hard it makes your muscles clench and your jaw drop and your face to tense in ecstasy.

#3

2011-03-31T00:05:00.000+02:00

Give me all or don't give me nothing, don't fucking play with me. Gawd !

-D

#2

2011-03-28T22:26:00.000+02:00

Well . . .
What to say, what to do ? I really don't know, but somehow I do. So anyhow I'm really glad that spring is finally here, even thought I have allergy on flower dust, I'm happy to finally see some sun :). I want to drink mojito so badly, om nom nom, but I guess I'll still have to wait for that.

And I think I want to have a dreadlock or two hihih ^^

- D.

#1

2011-03-19T02:11:00.000+01:00

As you can see, I deleted all my previous entrys. I need a new start, new fresh blog and lots of lemonade hihih ^^

- D.